Craving TV During Covid-19 Days: Episode 1--Competitions!

To The Winner Goes the Lava Lamp!

...or maybe a lovely piece of cake

Background

It's mid July 2020 and we are watching the end of the world as we know it unfold.  For the past four and a half months, the Earth has been consumed with a life and death battle against a new Corona virus called Covid-19.  As of today, a total of 3.4 million Americans have gotten sick with it, while 136,000 have died.  World wide, over half a million people have passed away due to this strange and deadly pandemic.  There is not one facet of life here in the U.S. unaffected by the scourge. Thousands of unessential businesses have been shut down.  Millions of people are unemployed.  In California you can't go out to a bar, or restaurant or fitness center or (most horrible for me) movie theater.  This could actually kill theater movie going as we know it.  All concert events, festivals, parades, beaches and even your own backyard party is....cancelled.  Just yesterday they announced there would be no Rose Parade for the first time in over 70 years.  If you do go out to a grocery store, you have to wear a mask.  This is because the disease is spread by aerosol droplets from people breathing or talking or coughing.  How does Covid-19 kill?  It turns your lungs to glass, it sends blood clots through your body, it shuts down vital organs, sometimes the kidneys or even the brain.  Often for kids or young adults, it does nothing at all or maybe just takes your sense of smell and taste away.  How can you tell if you'll be asymptomatic or one of the poor souls dying alone on a respirator?  Nobody knows. It's like the lottery. Covid-19 is a big fat mystery and that's why thousands of people are hunkered down at home with the whites of their eyes showing.  They call it "Sheltering in Place" or "Lockdown", and basically it means that unless you're an essential worker, you ain't going nowhere.  Welcome to our Apocalypse.  We always thought it would be Zombies, but instead it's a virus, round as a beach ball and sprouting tiny red maple tree spikes made out of protein.

So why is this post appearing on the Flaming Nose?  Because staying home and watching television is one of the few things that people can still do to help them forget about the danger lurking just outside their door.  And now, thanks to streaming over the Internet, there's more TV to watch than ever before.  Add Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, CBS Interactive, Disney Plus and Apple TV to the already rich roster of broadcast and cable TV programming, and there is enough to keep us distracted for a while.  To help our 12 readers sort it all out, The Nose is unfurling a series, starting with a couple of reality TV competition shows; Floor is Lava and the Great British Bake Off.  Since when does Jane K. care even a tiny bit about reality TV?  Well, as it happens, my brain has gone as soft as a good brie worrying about Pandemic stuff, and it's very soothing to be drawn to the sparkle of either mindless fun (Lava) or sugar filled artistry (Bake Off).

Floor is Lava

It's so simple, yet so compelling and hilarious.  Based on the children's game and hosted by a very affable Rutledge Wood, "Lava" consists of three teams of three people each who must use their wits, athletic skills and team work to cross an obstacle course.  The objects they use are slippery, the challenge is great, but not impossible.  Bubbling away underneath it all, is a lake of psychedelic red orange "lava".  If a contestant slips, they sink below the red waves, never to be seen again until the end of the show.  This is the best part and where the folks watching at home can scream and scream.  Who doesn't love lava?  I've read that the producers keep the red liquid very hot, just shy of scalding, so that it's shocking for the contestants, but doesn't kill them.  How awesome is that?  I sometimes wonder if they've added a flavor to the lava lake.  Maybe strawberry daiquiri or Buffalo hot wings?

The teams are made up of people who are connected somehow in real life.  A mom and two grown kids, a trio of bros who work out together, doctors and nurses at a hospital.  You can cheer on your favorite team or make bets on which one is going to win.  Winners get to split $10,000 and (what else) a lava lamp.  I think the latter is the only flaw in this show.  Lava lamps are not expensive, I think each of the three contestants on the team should get their own lava lamp so they won't fight.

Floor is Lava is one of the most popular programs on Netflix right now and I can certainly see why.  It's silly, mindless and exciting.  The perfect distraction from non-stop thinking about doomsday!

The Great British Bake Off

While the lava show is brand new, BBC's Great British Bake Off has just completed it's tenth season.  You can find several past seasons to view on Netflix.  Some of England's top pastry chefs as well as regular folks with talent compete to see who has the best skills to create cakes, cookies and crumpets, all underneath an enormous tent while the clock is ticking away.  Each contestant has a mini-kitchen where they create their sugary masterpieces.  They generally have to stick to a particular theme, although they can vary it as their creativity dictates.  So everyone has to make a type of scone, or theme birthday cake or fruit cake, etc.  After each segment, the judges come around to taste and rate the various efforts.  It sounds simple enough but sometimes things get so bollixed up (great British slang for a complete cluster f#$4&k;) the contestants actually cry.  There's a lot of drama involved in making cakes.  Sometimes a bit too much.  If you find yourself feeling tense while viewing, it's best to take it in measured doses. One contestant is voted off the show by the judges at the end of each episode.  The last one standing at the end of the season is the winner.

The judges in the Bake Off are delightful, ranging from either stern and matronly to eccentric.  One judge (English comedian Noel Fielding) provides occasional comic relief and is often dressed in black from head to toe like a Goth.

You might want to throw your mask on and stock up on some sweets before viewing. The cakes look extra fancy and delicious though, so you'll be disappointed if all you have is a Twinkie in the house.  I recommend pairing with Trader Joe's purple Ube icecream and an almond cookie.

Stay tuned for more helpful Covid-19 Pandemic viewing tips going forward.  Your faithful Nose writers will be sifting through thousands of programs to help you find the best ones to keep the Heebie Jeebies away.  Why not?  We're locked in too, so there's nothing else to do!