Summer Nose-talgia #5: Happy Birthday to Richard Lewis of "Anything but Love"!

Maybe you don't remember his ABC sitcom Anything but Love but how can you have anything BUT love for the charming and hilarious comedian/actor Richard Lewis who made neurosis sexy as well as funny?  Lewis turns 68 today and he's still utterly relevant and delightful.  Most recently he appeared in many episodes of his childhood pal Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm, but there was a time at the end of the 1980s when the only slightly unconventionally handsome Lewis was the hottest of stuff.

He had made his mark with his breathless, non-stop, jam-packed comedy sets, such as this one from 1981:



Or this from maybe about ten years later:
















Anything but Love had a simple rom-com premise:  a pair of colleagues working at a Chicago magazine begin a tentative romance and hope it doesn't ruin their terrific platonic friendship. Lewis' co-star was the talented and personable Jamie Lee Curtis; her Halloween, Prom Night and Terror Train days of starring as the Scream Queen of Teen Slasher Films were a decade or so behind her but she had branched out with well-regarded movies like My Girl and A Fish Called Wanda.  Pairing the hyperkinetic Lewis with the strong and self-confident Curtis was a study in contrasts.  Working from the timeworn assumption that opposites attract, the pairing in Anything but Love was both realistic and great fodder for a sitcom.


Here's a promo for the debut of the show on March 7, 1989:



One of the show's opening credit sequences:



And here's a different one:



Here's another promo for an episode of the show:



An episode with John Ritter!



Anything but Love aired on ABC beginning in March of 1989 and found some measure of success over the next three years, making it to 56 episodes in four different "seasons" but lacked the solid audience support that studio 20th Century Fox was looking for. Evidently they were the ones who pulled the plug on the series, citing the slim odds that the show would last long enough to garner the industry-standard number of episodes for a successful syndication run which was the Holy Grail for episodic TV producers. Anything but Love ended its network run on June 3, 1992.

In several ways Anything but Love was a bit of a thematic precursor to the very successful NBC sitcom Mad About You which came along in the Fall 1992 season.  Slightly neurotic male lead -- played by former stand-up comedian Paul Reiser -- plays a creative guy who marries his best friend -- played by actress Helen Hunt -- and they try to find a way to keep their modern marriage fresh and relevant.  In contract to Anything but Love, Mad About You was able to hang in for seven strong seasons and amass 164 episodes, more than enough for a good second life.

While Anything but Love may not have been everything it promised, it did showcase two talented performers and allowed us to see a slightly tamed-down Richard Lewis, one of America's funniest stand-up comedians ever.

There are lots of photos related to Anything but Love at the Sitcoms Online Photo Galleries, here.

And a very Happy Birthday to the eternally amusing Richard Lewis!

Thanks for Nothing -- ABC Takes "Titanic" Down to the Bottom Again, 100 Years After the Historic Sinking

When I said in a previous post that ABC's scheduling of the four-hour miniseries Titanic was "weird"...well, what I meant to say was that it was wrong.  Just plain wrong.  Clearly the network thought enough of the project over a year ago to sign on to co-produce and co-finance the Julian
"Downton Abbey" Fellowes-written television epic with Britain's ITV, Australia's Channel Seven and other international broadcasters, but they threw it away through bad scheduling.  The way ABC handled Titanic was an epic fail, and they ended up squandering what should have been a successful programming stunt.  How often do you get the chance to commemorate the 100th Anniversary of the most catastrophic maritime disaster ever, one that has never left the hearts and minds of the world?  How could ABC have taken that precious moment in time and essentially thrown it away?

To recap the results, ABC scheduled the first three hours of the four hour Titanic on Saturday night, with the final one hour held over to Sunday evening.  ABC pulled in a 0.8 rating with just slightly over four million viewers for Saturday's three hours, and a 0.9 and about the same four million for Sunday's one hour conclusion.  Compare that to what the hoary Easter movie perennial The Ten Commandments pulled in on Saturday, April 7th -- TTC got a 1.6 rating and pulled in almost seven million viewers for its airing from 7pm - 11:44pm.  It's only taken 2000 years of Christianity to ensure ABC that kind of number; let's also not forget that it's an Easter tradition and viewers know exactly what they're getting.  Presold to the max.  Obviously viewers can be found on Saturday night, but it takes a religious experience to get them there.

On this 100th Anniversary of the Sinking of the Titanic, ABC surely could have set aside one Sunday -- where they usually air America's Funniest Home Videos, Once Upon a Time and GCB -- and given Titanic a one night blow-out from 7pm - 11pm.  Splitting the event over two nights, with an abandoned one hour conclusion all by itself on Sunday, stuck behind a repeat of OUaT, no less, was truly a scheduling snafu not befitting the awesome reputation of Titanic.  In any case, if Titanic failed only one night would have been at stake; as it was ABC sunk two of their nights and blew a class production at the same time.  In the U.S. we are used to stunt programming and this one begged to be stunted in a big way. (In Britain it ran -- from what I've been able to find -- one hour on two successive weeks then the last two hours on one night.  Also not perfect.  And in Canada it aired once a week for four weeks.  Not good either.)

Some have said that the unique storytelling device -- essentially retelling the tale through different eyes over each hour, finally culminating in the sinking itself and finding out the fate of the various characters we've been introduced to -- is what doomed the show from the start.  That's not much of an excuse; I'm sure a cable network audience would have been able to follow the story just fine. What happened to Titanic, a hundred years after her sinking, is that ABC possibly over-estimated the appeal and thought that viewers would find it on a dreary Saturday then seek it out on the next night to find out the rest of the story.  Or else ABC was throwing it away because they didn't think the usual broadcast network TV audience would want to watch it anyway. 

Can I say that this really belonged on PBS?  Although the four-hours are available right now to watch on ABC's website (but not OnDemand, interestingly), if I were ABC I'd offer a run to PBS.  This Titanic wouldn't exist without Julian Fellowes' huge highbrow success with Downton Abbey, here in the U.S. and all over the world, so PBS deserves a taste of it.  The PBS audience would appreciate Titanic, even if the ABC audience didn't.

Jeopardy Hosts Man vs Machine!

Heads up to everyone regarding one of the most exciting Jeopardy events in the long history of the program. Over the next three nights, (Feb 14-16) two of the biggest human Jeopardy champs ever (Ken Jennings who won $2.5 million over 74 consecutive Jeopardy episodes as well as Brad Rutter, who has the honor of earning the highest cumulative amount of money on Jeopardy with a grand total of $3.2 million) will face off against the first non-human Jeopardy contestant: an IBM created computing system named Watson.

Tonight's kick-off episode ended in a tie, with both Watson and Mr. Rutter at $5,000, while Ken Jennings came in second with $2,000. The grand prize winner of the three night competition will win $1 million dollars. Both Jennings and Rutter have pledged to give 50% of their winnings to charity. If Watson wins, IBM will give 100% of the money to charity.

I caught part of tonight's episode and I'm here to say that Watson has a lovely calm voice, and both humans looked a little nervous. The Borgs, Terminator and the Matrix vs Man. What is this Jeopardy tournament times ten? Check your local ABC stations tomorrow and Wednesday at 7pm.

A Few Good Shows that are NOT on Sunday Night!

While we all agree that Sunday night is a cornucopia of fabulous television programming, the rest of the week is not quite the viewing desert one might think. Last week, a number of established series had season premiers and there are a few that are off to a very good start.

HOUSE (Monday nights at 8pm on FOX), took the plunge by giving the brilliant, drug addled doctor a reason to stick to the rehab program for good. He and bosomy hospital Director Cuddy are finally an item. They kissed...they had naked sex...they're planning a European vacation together. It's all fraught with peril, of course, given that Dr. House is borderline Asperger's syndrome and almost completely incapable of a normal human relationship. Towards the end of the episode he actually said the "L" word to Cuddy, which I found touching. My more cynical sister Leslie said, "That's it then, we're looking at the last season for House!".

Moving over to Tuesday nights at 8pm on Fox, the Emmy award winning GLEE turned in a champion season opener. Starting with a full cast cover of Jay Z and Alicia Keys rap/song masterpiece "Empire State of Mind" and introducing a few fascinating new characters. Cheerios coach Sue Sylvester has a new nemesis with the towering and formidable football coach Beiste (The Panther). They clashed from the start, it was like watching butch gladiators fight it out in the halls of a public high school. New singers are being introduced as well, with the Filipina exchange student giving a goose-bump inducing audition.

Modern Family is the one to watch on Wednesdays (ABC at 9pm). Winner of the Best Comedy Emmy for their first season, Modern Family is living proof that broadcast television can still come up with a series that is fresh, innovative and absolutely hilarious. The season two open had Mitchell and Cameron building a huge pink Princess Castle for Lilly, while Phil and Claire try to get rid of the ancient family station wagon. The irrepressible 12 year old quipster Manny goes on a date, making his mom moan that "the leading cause of death among Colombian women is when their sons get married".

Saving the best for last, Thursday night features 30 ROCK (NBC at 8:30pm). Long a Flaming Nose favorite, 30 Rock dispels the myth that it's not possible to make a successful TV program about a TV program. Wait...that myth has never been true...what about The Dick Van Dyke Show? All the greats are back with Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) trying to merge with a new pilot boyfriend (Matt Damon!), and Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) head over heels for his uber-competitive TV newswoman doppelganger. There's trouble in paradise, however, as Kenneth the Page is missing. Has he gone over to CBS? Absolutely love the constant references to GE and NBC being sold to "Cabletown", a dig at the pending real life take over by Comcast.

There you have it, something to love for every night of the week! And oddly enough, not one of these programs is on cable. What's the world coming to? ;)

Oceanic Air Flight 815, You're Cleared to Land

I'm not really qualified to do a post for the final episode of one of the most examined TV programs of all time. There are people who have made a career out of figuring it out. There are Lost geeks, Lost maniacs and mathematicians who use it to write formulas. There are clubs, groups, and 3,892,302 fans on Facebook. Here I sit at 8:23pm Pacific watching "Lost" on Demand because I was too exhausted from worrying about a very sick pet to stay up for the live event on ABC last night. I'm not ashamed of that, but I do feel really, really bad that I've been AWOL from watching the series entirely for the past two seasons because I was so busy and had a new job and....ah heck there's no excuse, I just didn't see it. And now that I'm watching the miraculous series finale, I know I'm going to have a great summer catching up with all the episodes I missed.

It makes no sense for me to do an actual recap, since I'm going to get it all wrong anyway. Basically there are a bunch of people who crash land on a mysterious island that looks a lot like Hawaii. They've been there about 6 years. Some of them get married, some of them have kids. There's a yellow dog and a Volkswagen bus. There's a button that has to be pressed or the world will blow up, and a monster made out of smoke. A mysterious hatch, mind control and and the Dharma initiative are all very important. Don't blink about halfway through the second season. Sawyer looks awesome in a torn wet t-shirt. When the music plays you want to cry; doesn't matter if it's the first season or the grand finale. Everybody who you thought was dead isn't dead. But everybody dies. All characters are both on and off the island at the same time. Some are good, some are evil. The good forgive the bad. The island was a way station, a post crash purgatory.... I figured as much when I saw the beautiful interfaith stained glass window in the chapel right before the end.

For an incredibly complex series, Lost's final episode framed the most basic truth of human experience. Love one another. Help one another. We're on this flight together until it ends. A lofty message for any television show, but one that Lost pulled off with unprecedented originality. It will be missed.

Signs of Life in Jurassic Park

If you hear some noise coming from Jurassic Park (Broadcast Television) these days, the sound is probably raucous laughter. We are living in a wonderful modern age of comedy and Modern Family on ABC (Wednesday nights at 9pm) is the latest example of excellence. It must be added to the pantheon of great, smart, hilarious comedy that NBC has revived on Thursday nights with Community, Parks and Recreation, The Office and 30 Rock.

I thought I'd be the last one on the planet to admit it, but lately comedy on Broadcast TV is every bit as good as what I've been touting on HBO. Better, actually, because right now there are no comedies playing on the "It's Not TV" network.

Modern Family is about the many colorful flavors American families come in, circa 2010. There is the traditional family: Dad is Phil, played by fetching Ty Burrell, Mom (Claire) played by Julie Bowen, is quite possibly the only genuinely funny pretty blond on TV. They have three kids that manage to do quirky without being annoying. There is also a lovely gay couple (Cameron) Eric Stonestreet and (Mitchel) Jesse Ferguson. They're raising an adopted baby girl. Finally there is the multi-ethnic, multi-generational family with Ed O'Neill as the middle aged Jay, who is married to hot stuff Charo-like Gloria (Sofia Vergara). Gloria's son, the chubby, adorable, genius kid (Manny) is wonderfully portrayed by Rico Rodriguez. He is the most appealing character on a show chock full of great characters and infused with some of the wittiest writing on television today. Visit the Modern Family website and click on "Bios" to get some of the best lines from recent episodes. Manny says things like, "Her name is Whitney. I met her in the online book club. We both like vampire fiction and the romance of eternal life."

This week's episode featured a guest appearance by the always funny Fred Willard, who played Phil's visiting Dad. Never in the history of TV, have a father and son duo looked and acted more as if they might actually be related to each other. The B-story had Cameron sitting in as the drummer for a teenage Emo band (funniest segments of the night for my money) and the C-story had my darling Manny scared to death by a slasher movie that the clueless Jay brought him to after a dental appointment.

I must give full credit to my sister Leslie for turning me on to this gem. Sometimes word of mouth advertising really is the most effective! Now listen to this blogger and go check out Modern Family. Here's a little taste in the video below.

Nathan Fillion Stars in ABC's "Castle" Premiering Tonight

Nathan Fillion may not be a household name, but he's darn close to it. Crazy popular among science fiction/fantasy fans for his starring role in Joss Whedon's series Firefly (and its subsequent feature film Serenity), his amusing turn in Whedon's online musical Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog (pictured, right), and his humorous he-man in the gloriously goopy film Slither, Fillion has been poised on the edge of ubiquitous fame for a while now. He was also delightful in the late director Adrienne Shelley's charming feature Waitress (left) -- if you haven't seen it, do. Many viewers know him from his recent role on Desperate Housewives, and now ABC has set him up in his own series called Castle, premiering tonight on ABC.

Castle has a premise that's certainly not breaking any new ground. Whether you call it "Moonlighting Meets Murder She Wrote" or something similarly waggish, it's basically a "he said-she said" romance novel-esque bickering-but-meant-for-each-other couple mashed up with a police procedural. Nathan Fillion plays Richard Castle, a successful mystery writer, a little bored, bad case of writer's block, looking for inspiration...blah blah blah. You can see this coming: somebody's doing copycat killings based on his books, he gets himself hooked up with a female detective and ends up fashioning a new character after her. Stana Katic (she was in one of the Librarian movies which played on the network which must not be named, and lots of other TV work) is Detective Kate -- and will there ever come a time when a strong female character with loads of spunk won't be named after Kate Hepburn? -- Beckett, a NYPD veteran with loads of...spunk, what else?

I haven't seen the pilot except for the first segment (which is online at ABC's Castle site), but I must admit that the promos are no great shakes. Not sure I see much chemistry between the two leads, and that's pretty distressing since that's the whole point of the series. However, any opportunity to see Nathan Fillion doing his smart-funny-masculine thing is to be cherished. Do we need another police procedural? Probably not. They basically all sound the same -- awful and lame. Could dialogue get any worse? Please, no. On the other hand, do we want to see more playful verbal foreplay between two people who are destined to end up in bed? Perhaps...

ABC is giving Castle a big send-off, positioning it behind their new season of Dancing With The Stars which also premieres tonight. DWTS begins the night at 8pm, with Castle at 10pm.

We'd say give Castle a chance. It's a break-out opportunity for Nathan Fillion who definitely has earned it and most importantly is up to it. We might have hoped for something less derivative, but this is mainstream network television, after all. The show looks great, of course. In another era Fillion might have been a Cary Grant or a Clark Gable, but even if all 2009 can manage is turning him into Jessica Fletcher with balls, what the hell...bring 'em on!

Visit ABC's Castle website for more information.

Absolute Magic

One would have to be made of stone to not be moved by tonight's ABC 20-20 segment on the return (and final departure) of Siegfried & Roy...Las Vegas showmen extraordinaire. As an animal rights activist, I'm still not convinced that large fauna should be kept in captivity and made to perform for our entertainment. But I would bet $1000 Vegas dollars on the fact that every tiger S&R ever raised for their long running show was well cared for and absolutely loved.

At the end of the day, this little segment proves something that we TV folks at The Flaming Nose have long understood. The curtain must rise...the show must go on...and if the end is inevitable, let there at least be a grand finale.

God Bless the great showmen Siegfried, Roy and Montecour.

Finally, An Oscar Promo to Post!

The hype is huge on this year's event, mostly because the line-up, presenters and other details of the telecast have been under complete secrecy. The Academy is promising something new and amazing, which means that either it will be terrific or beyond horrible. We don't have too many more hours to go until we find out!

What about the choice of Hugh Jackman to be host? Evidently his singing and dancing skills will be on tap in the re-imagined ceremony, which again could lead to either wonderment or wincing.

Our fingers are crossed that it turns out to be genuinely inspiring and entertaining. I don't want to have to watch it through my fingers if it's too bad to gaze upon directly!

I hope you noticed that our lovely Meez mascot Miss Flaming Nose on our sidebar is all decked out for her walk down the Red Carpet! Isn't she gorgeous? If you haven't gone and made your own Meez avatar, I recommend going in and having a little fun there!

"Lost" Season Five Premieres Tonight on ABC!

I've long since gotten hopelessly muddled in the complicated plotlines, but I am still eagerly anticipating the return of ABC's classy mysterious drama Lost tonight, beginning at 8pm with a lookback clip show, and then with a new 2-hour episode at 9pm.

Seldom has there been a show with such an attractive cast, even when mired in jungle muck or shackled in barred cages, and though I can't seem to remember anything past when that big scary noise blew everything up a few seasons back, I'm game for more.

There are countless -- and I mean that literally -- websites out there dedicated to lost, but for a fairly straightforward account, you might like to take a look at Zap2It's "Guide to Lost" here. If you are in the U.S., ABC's Lost site graciously provides HD video of all the episodes, but don't you dare try to watch if you happen to be outside the border -- it's like running into a brick wall, a really rude one, at that. I mean, not even a "Sorry"! (There are workarounds, of course, which we are happy to share if you drop us a line.)

This next promo is a longer version which was unveiled a couple of months ago to prepare us for tonight.

No matter if you are befuddled like I am or completely up-to-date on the goings-on on the Island and beyond, tonight's Lost event is a genuine thrill, television-style. After yesterday's incredible Inauguration coverage, we're back to earth again, but boy, what a ride we're going to have!

The Rover Has Landed: Check out LIFE ON MARS

The buzz on the blogosphere has reached a perfect storm for Life On Mars, which premiers tomorrow (Thursday, October 9th-10pm eastern) on ABC. Critics, press, fans, buzz-maniacs, as well as friends and relatives of yours truly have contacted me to say...what is the Flaming Nose doing about LIFE ON MARS? At first glance, this series seems to have everything in the world we like about television. Top stars: (Harvey Keitel...LOVE him...Michael Imperioli from The Sopranos...CHRISTOFUH... we missed you so much, Gretchen Mol and Lisa Bonet, a great and contentious blast from the past Cosby Show. Beyond the fabulous cast, we also have the tantalizing part sci-fi/part cop/part oh I so can't wait for the flashback to the funky, gritty, weird New York City of the 1970's setting. Honestly, I would tune into tomorrow night's premier for the promise of the old dirty New York setting alone.

One never knows the outcome until the actual delivery, but there is certainly enough here to get a great tune-in audience for the first night. Life in 2008 at the moment is not that splendid, let's tune in to Life On Mars and see if it's any better (or worse). Fire up your disco balls, we're heading back to the 70's.

Sunday Night TV on Sept 7th: So Many Programs, So Little Time!

An absolute plethora of television delights awaits us Sunday night (September 7th), Nose Fans. You better get your DVR and TiVo machines rolling because most of these programs are running concurrently.

First up is the 25th annual MTV Video Award ceremony, starting at 9m eastern. It's hard to believe MTV has even existed for a quarter of a century, but there you have it. The VMA's have developed a reputation over the years for being the bad boy "anti-award ceremony" where anything goes. Who could ever forget the year Prince appeared shaking his tiny little butt in a backless leotard? This year newcomer (to the US) Russell Brand, the quirky British comedian and hottie (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) will be the irreverant host. Guest stars include Kobe Bryant, Scarlett Johannson, Shia Labeouf, Michael Phelps, Pink and Britney Spears, hoping to make a comeback after last year's train wreck appearance.

If you're an HBO junkie like me, Sunday night will provide a much needed and longed for fix. True Blood, Alan Ball's new vampire dramedy will premier Sunday from 9-10pm. The reviews have not been that favorable, but when you're starving for new programming it doesn't have to be caviar, a Ritz cracker will do.

At 10pm, the boys are back, as Entourage returns for its season five premier. Watch the high Hollywood shenanigans of Vince, Eric, Turtle and Drama, played by the increasingly talented and hilarious Kevin Dillon. Of course my heart belongs to Ari (Jeremy Piven) the psychotic agent with the hair trigger temper and microscopic heart of gold.


Last but not least, ABC is continuing the grand tradition of the old Bob Hope "entertain the troops" road show with "America United: In Support of Our Troops". A new generation of talent takes to the stage at military bases in the US and around the world to support our fighting forces. Starring Janet Jackson, Clint Black, Pamela Anderson, Carlos Mencia, DL Hughley and ZZ Top. Check out the website above for a link to leave a message for the troups, hundreds have done so already. Airing Sunday night from 9-11pm eastern.

When TV is this good on a Sunday night, it almost takes the sting out of the next day being Monday! Enjoy everybody!

The Finals are in Town

Yup, it's that time of year again. The ultimate basketball prize is on the line as the NBA finals start.
As if on cue, two decades after the Lakers and Celtics historic finals battles, they will once again clash on the NBA's biggest stage. It is no surprise that the people of Los Angeles and Boston are all saying the same thing, "We're Back!" The Celtics and Lakers both have rich histories and rivalrys. Magic Johnson and Larry Bird went at it in the 80's. Kobe Bryant and Paul Pierce will do it now. Ever since the Kevin Garnett trade, the Celtics knew this was where they would be. The Lakers, on the other hand, with Kobe Bryant questioning the team's dedication and asking for a trade, were not expected to make it this far. When Mitch Kupchack went from lousy GM to basketball guru after his brilliant Pau Gasol trade, the tables turned. The average Joe would choose the Celtics to win because of their 66-16 regular season. But the Celtics have struggled mightily on the road during the post season and Kobe Bryant as always will be tough to contain but will also shut down Ray Allen at the other end of the floor. Also, Pau Gasol should pose a threat to Kevin Garnett. Therefore, it is up to Paul Pierce and Kobe Bryant to carry their teams. My prediction: Celtics in 6. You heard it here first on The Flaming Nose! Coverage begins on June 5th, ABC 9:00 ET

Nose-Talgia Visits Twin Peaks!

Who killed Laura Palmer? With that simple question, one of the scariest, loopiest and most brilliant dramas ever to grace US broadcast prime, began its brief reign. From the first pitch black dreamy tones of Angelo Badalamenti's haunting score to the establishing shots of a strange little lumberjack town in the Northwest, all who flock to the unusual on TV were hooked like salmons on a line.

David Lynch became the master of exploring the dark secrets that lurk beneath a small town's innocent exterior by weaving his cast into a psychedelic dream of a plot. Who could ever forget Agent Cooper (magnificently underplayed by Kyle MacLachlin) and his coffee and donut obsession? Or the beautiful blue lipped and extremely dead Laura Palmer ("she was wrapped in plastic!"). What about the dancing dwarf who talked backwards? Any one of these items on a normal show would have had critics claiming that Lynch had "jumped the shark". But Twin Peaks came out swinging and proudly did a triple gainer flip over a tank full of great whites from episode one. Personally, I thought the Log Lady was one of the greatest nut ball characters ever created. The way she cradled her little log in a baby blanket was both touching and hilarious.

I had the pleasure of working at ABC network while Twin Peaks was on the air, and one time found myself trapped on the elevator in Century City with David Lynch and his loyal entourage. He was wearing a gray suit and black sunglasses and chewing on a toothpick. He never said a word as the world's slowest elevator descended three floors. It was like spotting something rare and extraordinary, like a Yellow Bellied Sap Sucker. Or an alien. He was the coolest celebrity I have ever seen, and I have seen plenty.

Alas, poor Twin Peaks was too special and glorious and, well, weird for regular TV. It was greatly ahead of its time. In today's cable world, it may have lasted many seasons but better that it burned brightly and briefly than not at all.

The Most Boring O-Cast Ever! :(

This won't take long, as I don't really care to go on and on if I don't have anything nice to say. But it's time to state the shameful truth; this year's 80th Academy Award ceremony was the worst ever. It was slow. It was dull. It was boring. Jon Stewart was not a funny host, in spite of occasional chuckles from the crowd. Nobody wore a swan dress or a peacock hat, no streakers strutted their stuff in the buff , and no off the wall comments from anybody. It was polite, sedate and the TV equivalent of taking a Tylenol PM.

To ABC's credit, they really had a tough road to travel to this year's Oscars. The writer's strike made everything last minute. They only had 11 days to put the show together. The nominated films were almost uniformly dark, dreary and not box office winners. But put all that together, and it was still unforgivable to have not one...but three, count 'em, three magical Disney musical numbers for the movie Enchanted. All of them were outstanding opportunities for bathroom or telephone breaks. I mean really, didn't anybody learn anything since Snow White danced with Rob Lowe? They even spoofed it in this year's O's and then went and did the weird ball room dance number thing all over again.

You know the show was dull when the top topics for the evening for fellow bloggers, friends and sisters consisted of a) Is Javier Bardem short? and b) Does Josh Brolin have an inordinantly big head? and c) If Martin Scorcese's eyebrows were removed from his head would they be able to exist on their own?

For me, the Academy Award ceremony is the most important television show of the year. But this year it just became a colorful HD background while I flipped through the Sunday Times. It will be weeks before I recover from the disappointment!

Lisa had it right in her blog. The best thing about this year's Oscar ceremony was the thrilling animated open. After that, it went downhill fast. It is not any wonder that the ratings were the lowest ever recordered.

LOST....In the Supermarket

I was pushing my cart through the aisles of Ralph's supermarket yesterday, searching frantically for paper plates. Somewhere between frozen food and hot dogs, I was distracted by a towering organic milk display. I reached out to grab a carton and tumbled through a space-time corridor. That roaring, airplane noise in my head made me realize before I even opened my eyes, that I was back. On the island. Nothing made any sense whatsoever and I didn't care a bit.

It doesn't matter that Hurley is now sometimes in a mental hospital. Whatever. We are not distressed that Charlie is a ghost. Lot's of excellent series have ghost characters these days. The dips, the dives, the about faces...the non-linear gorgeous mess that makes up the inexplicable plot line of Lost does not bother us in the slightest. The waves are lapping and new alliances are forming . Is John a bad guy or a good guy? Are all the bad guys good guys? Are some of the good guys, bad guys? And does it really matter after Hurley does a cannonball?

All hail the return of LOST.

It's the most maddening, engaging, stimulating yet soothing television show on earth. Many LOST fans spend hours spawning intricate theories on "what it all means". These are people who like math and Sudoku. The whole point of LOST is for it to never make sense. Blue water, white sand and a sweaty Sawyer strutting around without a shirt is what it's all about. Sun and Jin's baby, Charlie's heroism, Ben's pale evil eyes and the endless unrequited dance between Jack and Kate is the glue that holds it all together. This is a character series, plain and simple. Well maybe not simple. We LOVE the characters. Plot, action and advancing story lines are all secondary.

It sounds like a plane crashing in aisle #3. I look down and the paper plates are in my cart, nestled between some frozen pizzas and a bottle of ocean blue Windex. How did they get there? Doesn't matter. I'll be back on the island again in a nanosecond, and all will be right with the world.

Cavemen is FINALLY Here (Admit it, You Thought it was Funny Too)

THEY'RE HERE!!!


After all the Sturm and Drang...after all the critical wailing and gnashing of teeth, CAVEMEN, the ABC comedy based on the Geico car insurance commercial is finally here. (Tuesday nights at 8pm) It wasn't even remotely terrible. The Cavemen dudes are funny, sensitive, smart and extremely introspective. They play a mean game of squash. They seem like they would be good boyfriends. After the initial creep-out over the fact that they all look like the hind end of a Chow Chow dog...they are even sort of (dare I say it) cute. I predict the one with glasses and the hair tie is going to be a breakout character. I bet the ratings ROCKED. (Had to include at least one Stone-Age pun). If the writers keep up the snappy banter between this furry cast, Cavemen could actually make it. Take that all you snobby, elitist critics of little faith! Oh and Kudos to ABC for finding other advertisers to incorporate some sort of "caveman...historical figure...Viking" theme in many of the national spots. The whole half hour just screamed "Geico" and we never even saw a Geico ad. Very clever ABC, how much did they pay you? On the Jane-O-Meter scale of 1-10, Cavemen is a solid 7.5.